They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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