it wasn't lemon gatorade
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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