I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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