dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
