I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
He felt like a one man threesome
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
