i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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