According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize