thus making me awesome and them whores
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
accomplished twins. life is a go
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
