Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
