garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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