Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
