I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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