Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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