I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
