dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
