i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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