You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
