Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
