Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Randomize
