honey bunches of taint.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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