I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
