i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
