The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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