oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Randomize
