Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
True college students do jello shots in the library
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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