I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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