ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
