You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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