i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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