You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
