Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
