people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
