my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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