We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
