Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
