Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
