yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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