someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
