I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
