I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
