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Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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