i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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