you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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