$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
