omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
bring money and cleavage
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
