It's like a parade of train wrecks.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
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You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
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I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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