i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
