how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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