70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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