We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
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Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
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Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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