Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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