I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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