hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
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