When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
