Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
