Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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