Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
