If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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