Your mouth is God's brothel.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
