I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
