hell yes lets make some ravioli
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
two words...techno handjob
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
