Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
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He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
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I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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