I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
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