woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
