Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
