The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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