I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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