So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
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