I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Randomize
