We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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