sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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