Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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